I write about Windsor and that fact that I’m a crazy dog lady all.the.time. so nothing too new here. It’s Monday night and I’m watching The Voice, nothing too crazy, but there’s something different. I bought Windsor a toy at TJ Maxx earlier today for $3. He LOVES it and hasn’t stopped playing with it since I gave it to him. I’ve been sitting here on the couch watching him play with it with the biggest smile on my face. I don’t know who is happier, him or me.
I brought Windsor home on December 13, 2012 and he has changed my life in so many ways since then. I wrote about how he saved my life and how he makes every day better, but there’s still so much more.
I’ve been quite open with my anxiety struggles on here. I refuse to be ashamed about, lots of people deal with it, and it could always be worse. I say it all the time, but I have so much to thankful for and I am blessed with people and things in my life that I don’t know that I deserve. However, I still struggle. Some days, it doesn’t phase me. Other days, it’s almost debilitating. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to go anywhere, I literally just want to stay at home and listen to the quiet. I had a few of those days last week. Nothing happened; I wasn’t upset, mad, sad, happy, or unhappy. I was just nothing, just blah. Fortunately, I don’t have these days often, but they happen every now and then. I just needed some time to myself to snap out of it and I did. I go through all the motions with my trusty side kick, Winds.
He never leaves my side. He loves me not matter what. He knows when I need extra love and cuddles. He gives me a reason to get out of bed on the days I don’t want to. When I leave him each morning, I contemplate quitting my job because that look on his face just breaks my heart. However, seeing how excited he is when I get home makes it all worth it. Whether we are playing fetch, hanging out outside, or he’s curled up in my lap, he finds a way to make my day every day. I write this with tears in my eyes thinking about how much I love him and how I wouldn’t be here without him. My mom and I were texting earlier and I told her how much he loved his new toy and how much I loved watching him play with it and she said, “Sometimes the smallest things make us the happiest!” I said, “this 12 pound ball of fluff sure makes me the happiest!” I wouldn’t trade him for all the Birkins and Louboutins in the world.
And then there are moments like this, where he falls asleep on my chest, just like a baby. Ahhhh these are the best. I look at him and think about how much I love him and wonder how my heart doesn’t just burst out of my chest.
I’m not dumb, I know Winds won’t live forever, but I try not to think about that. I think of all that he’s brought me in these 3 years and that’s enough joy and happiness to last me a lifetime. To those that say, “he’s just a dog”, yes, technically, you are correct, but he’s so much more than that. For those of you that struggle with anxiety and depression, you can probably relate. Sometimes you feel like there isn’t a single person who can relate to you, who can say the right thing to make you feel better, or who can provide the comfort you’re so desperately needing. Sometimes there isn’t a person, there’s a 4-legged ball of white fluff whose love and devotion is never ending.
P.S. This another one of those posts where I attempt to unload all of my thoughts in grammatically correct sentences. However, that doesn’t always go as planned so please forgive any grammatical errors. I’d reread and edit but I’d start bawling again.