You know that saying, “If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans”? If it’s true, and I think it is, I am responsible for many LOLs throughout the day.
As I’ve said before on here, I’ve always been a girl with a plan. I don’t operate on the fly. I need to know where, when, why, what for, etc. before I can agree to anything. I love a list and can’t operate without my planner. I am Monica Gellar from Friends. I know it. I own it.
Brief backstory: I grew up in a small, one stoplight town where there weren’t many places to shop or things to do. I fell in love with fashion at an early age and I’ve had a subscription to Vogue since middle school. A la if Muhammed won’t come to the mountain and what have you. I wanted nothing more than to go to Meredith College, study abroad in Paris, and then take off to New York to conquer the fashion world leaving my little town in my rear view mirror. Don’t get me wrong, I love my town and the people in it, but I had dreams of big city life.
My plans included going to MC, studying abroad in Paris, graduating with a job in the fashion industry, moving to a bigger city, becoming financially independent, and riding off into the sunset.
Some of those worked out. I went to MC, studied abroad, and I graduated. I had no job lined up and zero prospects, even though I had been applying for 4 months. Job hunting is probably one of the worst things in life and was especially hard on me. I took every “no” personally and constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough. Where did I go wrong? I had a degree and some experience, but that wasn’t enough.
I found a part-time job about a month later and things started to look up. That part-time job because full time, I moved into a new apartment, and thought I was starting to get on my feet. I still had to have financial help from parents because the pay wasn’t that great, but it was a start. Things were going well for a while and life was good. I worked by myself so I had a lot of spare time on my hands throughout the day which gave me plenty of time to get inside my own head and think about everything that hadn’t gone “my way” in life. That led to extreme unhappiness, depression, and some dark days. Continuing to work there would have been detrimental to my health so I quit with no other job lined up. I told myself I would never let myself go to that terrible, dark place again and I meant it.
Shortly after I quit, I moved to a new apartment and then spent 3 months unemployed. I then landed a part-time job at a company that has and continues to make the list of best places to work. I got to work and really loved my job. Again, I was part-time so I still relied on financial help from parents which I hated, but it was necessary. I was hoping to move into a full time position, but in the year and a half I was there, it just didn’t work out. I had to find something full time so I started the application process all over again. I found a full time job and moved back to Eastern NC at the end of April of this year.
So now we’re in 2016. I graduated 3 years ago and none of those aforementioned plans had worked out. I wasn’t working in fashion and really hadn’t at all, I wasn’t living in a big city, and I wasn’t quite financially independent.
So, here I am, back in Eastern NC working a full time job. This was my shot to get it together. WRONG. I knew on my first day of work that I had made a mistake. Too late now! All I could do was suck it up and try to find something else. *Interlude: I applied for a job with the company I work for now (company XYZ) in January at another location and didn’t get it.* The 2.5 months that I worked there were the longest of my life. I’m not an emotional person and I never cry, but I basically cried every day and I was just miserable. The ONE upside to that job is the friends I made and I still keep in touch with them now. *Interlude: The first week I started working, I got a call asking if I was still interested in a position with company XYZ. I couldn’t say yes fast enough.*
I got to a breaking point and I was done. I straight up walked out at 10:00 and never looked back. That is something that is completely out of character for me. I always do things the proper way and act professionally, but enough is enough. I wasn’t being treated with respect and my self-esteem took a brutal beating every time I stepped foot in that office. As someone who struggles with anxiety on the daily and has dealt with depression in the past, I knew I had to get out. I was so close to going back to that dark place that I went in 2014 that I said I’d never go back to.
I interviewed with XYZ the week that I quit my job. I thought the interview went well and I was hopeful. I did go without a job for a month and some change though. I was offered the job with XYZ and I gladly accepted. I’ve been here a little over a month and I’m loving it. There was an employee appreciation event not too long after I started and I stayed at the event the entire time and talked to so many people. The old, non-confident me would have made an appearance, some small talk, and bounced. I have social anxiety so this was a major stride for me. I was having a good time and didn’t want to leave. That night, for the first time in months (maybe even years), I actually felt happy. I I’ve learned a lot and I’ve got a lot left to learn, but I’m enjoying the ride. I work with the nicest people. I look forward to going to work each day. I feel like I’ve finally found my place and where I belong. Took me a while to get here, but I made it.
Presently, I’m living in a smallish town working in agriculture lending—a far cry from NYC and fashion. Yet, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Funny how things don’t work out, yet work out at the same time.
I told this LONG story to simply say this…find your happy. He will help you. He will guide you. He will test your faith and trust. He will never leave you. He will never lead you astray. If you take a leap of faith, He will catch you. And, I guarantee he will LOL at you during some point along the way.
“For I know the plans I have you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11
- My alma mater posted this on Instagram during from graduation this year and it really resonated with me.